If I were a horse, they'd shoot me

Today I'm working from my bedroom floor, despite downstairs being much comfier I feel the need to hide away today. My depression has been worse these last couple of weeks, and a very strange and out of character email from a friend has led to something of a falling out, it's made me re-think how I act around my friends, what I say, how I express myself to them... And I think, because of my depression, I've been thinking a lot on the people that I've lost over the years. I can't stop thinking about them, and this friend that I am terrified of losing, and I'm finding it incredibly upsetting, to the point where I'm begining to wish harm upon myself. This is incredibly out of character for me, and I realise how unhealthy that thought is, but I think until my depression passes it may not go away. I gave it a think, and decided that if I was going to do it, it would be a lot more practical to just get another tattoo, I think that would sate it.

Meanwhile, work is very slow, when I'm this depressed inspiration is hard to come by, so instead of working on pictures I've been putting together my P.D.P, my references file and my Influences file and annotating it all. I think I'll spend this afternoon re-writing some of the chapters that I intend to print out with the comic covers I've been doing.

I'm going into London this Saturday with Lizzie, Max and Laura to recce Covent Garden, we're also going to go to the Sherlock Holmes museum, we're going to try to find Speedy's cafe for a cup of tea and a few pictures (it's where they shoot Sherlock), and then we'll be going to Camden for some well-needed down time. I want to stop by the National Portrait Gallery too, to see Sue's work, but we'll see. I'll ask the guys on the train on the way in. I'd like to see it, but I'm not sure about everyone else. I'm already nervous about walking around Covent Garden by myself while the others go off to the Huntarian Museum, and it's within walking distance. Anxiety, eh?

I'm hoping the trip to London will break me out of this depression, I love London.

Until then, wish me luck eh?